The diaries of the happy loner

I'm loner and what!!!!


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Feeling empowered…

I´ve never felt more empowered, let me tell you how this happened:

I was discussing with my family about the reasons of why I had desisted to go to an end-of-the-year trip to Istanbul and Dubai (personal reasons nothing to do with the beauty of these cities which I will visit but in another opportunity) and why I should consider other possible destinations instead. I came with the same strong opinions from my family: why do I waste money on trips instead of saving to buy a house, a car, or anything? And I my answer was more or less like this one:

“Because I don´t want to get a loan to buy something that is going to torment me for years until I pay my debt. I don´t want to live like that, I want to be able to enjoy life as if I was going to die tomorrow. I don´t have personal obligations yet, children or other dependents and I want to be able to take advantage of that while I can.”

It was more or less like that, and it is not the first time I use a similar answer to the members of my family but to friends as well. It seems that I´m surrounded by what I call: “negative traveling souls” and I really hate that!

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Then we discussed with my family about my way of thinking, etc., etc. and I won´t tell you the details but let’s say that my way of thinking is miles different from them.

But I felt empowered, because I love the way I am, and I feel so proud that I´m able to think like I do, even if I mistaken, because it just feels right in my heart. And at the end, it is all about being content with your heart, right? Would I be happy being a slave of my work knowing that I have to work for years in order to pay a mortgage? No, definitely no.

I don’t want to think that much in any financial difficulties that could come when I´m old (as my mother points out), because maybe I won´t get that far!!! And I know many of you will say “how irresponsible way of thinking”. But I think that I´m actually very realistic, I know life is a gift meant to be lived as it were the last you were going to receive, and that people is realistic!

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I don´t dream of living forever, I don´t dream of saving until one day I become wealthy and then can travel the world. Even if you become wealthy with your savings in years from now, who guarantees that you´re going to be physical able to travel?.

I feel more real than ever, doing what I like, living how I want. How many people can say that? I feel empowered by accepting and being who I am…. Damn I feel so good!

 


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Writing for a reason

Writing is about unveiling yourself. It is about taking out all the layers that surround you. A true writer digs into his heart and exposes everything. He leaves himself vulnerable.

The richness of words only come from honesty. Characters come from the most enchanted places and they are nurtured by the writer´s believes, hopes, and fears. When the writer writes, he submerges himself into a trance where ideas flow naturally, a small voice wakes in his mind telling him secrets of the story.

I write because it heals my soul, because it makes me honest, because it lets me be myself. I write because I free myself and reach a mind state where everything is possible. I dive into a land of power, because writers do have power, a mighty power that can touch readers’ hearts, speak to them, and convince them of whispers, voices, and feelings. There is nothing more fulfilling than this: to let yourself be enveloped into a world where you let your heart speak and touch others on the way.  


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Terrified of chiropractors and the power of suggestion

And here I was lying on a bed waiting for the chiropractor to come in. My doctor had referred me to a physiotherapist, something about some column vertebrae in my neck joined together and the cause of some strange tinkling in my arms and hands. It was not the first time I was required to go to a physiotherapist, but this time, the intended physiotherapist was also a chiropractor.

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Good memories of Alan in ‘Two and a Half Men’ first came to my mind. But then, images of chiropractors making strange movements in people´s bodies, rustling bones sounding like they were about to break, and the idea of having somebody make a kung-fu movement-type on my neck was spine-chilling and terrifying. Images from movies of people dying while somebody broke their necks or somebody from behind twisting them to death, were not helpful as well. My main question was why of all places that a chiropractor could work on, it had to be my neck? What would happen if he twisted my neck that much? I´ve been afraid of surgeries and dentists, but never that much of a chiropractor.

You know, people would twist their fingers until they crack? Not me, never liked that, terrified as well. It seems I´m a complete coward when regarding to bones cracking and twisting.

So my first instinct on my first session was to tell the doctor: ‘You are not going to twist my head around until it cracks right?’. The doctor laughed a little bit and said ‘Why you don´t want that?´ I nodded nervously ‘Of course I don´t, I´m terrified of that’. He then added ‘‘We´ll see what happens with the first days, it won´t be that traumatic…’

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I think the chiropractor got conscious of my fear, and the first sessions have only been about massaging and applying electricity, no sudden twisting movements until now. The good news is that my muscles have yielded and I´m not that tense anymore. The bizarre tinkling in my arms and hands has almost disappeared. And it seems that the fear of having my neck twisted and cranked has caused all my symptoms to go. I´m not sure anymore if I will still need the creepy twisting, but I feel much relaxed now, and I have faith that if I still need to have my neck twisted in the right place, it won´t be that ‘traumatic’ anymore.

What I have concluded is the power of suggestion in my mind. It seems that my fear of a “kung-fu movement’ in my neck has made my mind send a signal to the rest of my body to make all symptoms disappear. Was that what happened? or did I just needed a couple of sessions of massages? I won´t never know, because the power of the mind is overwhelming.

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I was also experiencing some bizarre tingling in my face, but my head doctor said that it was mainly due to stress. I told him about my peaceful job and the point in my life where I was really satisfied with doing what I liked most. Seriously, this year has been fantastic for me, for the first time, I feel that I am on the correct path, doing what I like and in the direction of achieving my goals. So why would I be stressed? Additionally, as the loner I am, I don´t face problems with people, because I mainly don´t hang out that much with people. And truth to be told, life at home is quite nice. After watching the family disturbances in Game of Thrones, I believe my family situation is heavenly like.

But my head doctor said ‘Maybe it is being you that stresses you that much’. Both of us laughed at that remark, but it stuck in my mind. I later found out that it was actually true.

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The idea of arriving on time to meetings, of looking at the hours in my work, of knowing I have to commit myself to my writing goals every day, and even the idea that I should finish the novel I´m reading, stressed me. I found out that little things like hurrying to the drugstore to buy the doctor´s recipe and finding the place closed, stressed me a huge deal, because of the idea of having to return again and having precious time wasted.

When have I become so meticulous with time? Many times I have said that we have to make the most of every day, and I do that, but at the same time I can´t handle the idea of losing time doing nothing or  doing something not productive. Maybe it is stressful to be myself.

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I believe all these realizations happen for a reason. And this is a wakeup call, to loosen myself a little bit more, to do some relaxing activities, maybe some sports, to not take things that serious. To find a balance again. After all, life is about challenging you all the time, isn´t it?.

There is no right point in life where everything is perfect and works well, let´s face it, it would be boring. Perfect people would not push any further, and they would be left stuck in their comfort zone. I love my new purpose of not being that stressed for being myself anymore.  I´m hoping to get good outcomes of this and find myself towards a more relaxed path in the future. Believe me, everybody experiences stress, there is no perfect happy person stress-free person anywhere. And you, what stresses you in your life?

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Soap Operas create different people and why I think I don´t belong to this ‘specie’

I stopped watching soap operas when I was fifteen. I used to watch as many girls of my age did, Mexican soap operas and the Brazilian ones. We got ‘tons’ of them on national TV here. If you turn on local TV at 9:00 pm for instance, there is a soap opera on each national channel. You can´t escape them, there is nothing else to watch. Now they got Colombian, Peruvian, American and even South Korean soap-operas. That´s unless you have Cable TV. But believe it or not, there are still out there many people that even with Cable TV still choose to watch soap operas, and even worse they look for the Mexican soap opera channel on Cable TV (soap operas the 24 hours!!!). My aunt arrives at home at evening with the sole purpose of turning on the TV and catching her 7:00 pm soap opera, there is another one at nine, and another at ten. I think she also watches one in the morning… but I won´t go into boring you with my aunt´s TV habits.

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Sometimes, I would sit for some minutes at the kitchen while making some tea and watch glimpses of my aunt´s soap operas. She would try to explain them to me but I won´t pay any attention because I know I won´t get attached to them. But when I watch for some minutes, I only see fakeness. Soap operas are supposed to be realistic, but they aren´t. And the worst thing is that people watch them and take them as reality and even apply them to their daily lives. For instance, all these Latin American soap operas featuring female actresses that are so perfectly presented, esthetically I mean that it makes me want to punch the TV. Perfect hair, all the time, perfect makeup, clothes and bodies. They all look like a version of Sofia Vergara. Not once have I seen them wearing sneakers, trainers or sports clothes or a hair put out of place. And what about the ‘Evil bitch’? Because all of these soap-operas have one, so full of hate and vengeance, that it makes her so unreal.

I went to the movies with one friend the other day but we´ve become so apart that I failed to sync with her. She told me about a soap-opera she was seeing and how “different” it was from the others, having sensed my total disconnection with the genre. I listened to the story and it was more of the same but I didn´t tell her. I came to understand why we were so disconnected now as friends. The truth is that most of the people that watch soap operas believe in what they are presented with, they believe in these perfect “Sofia Vergara’s” and intend to copy them.

 

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They believe in these “evil characters” and therefore are apprehensive of the people that surround them, always thinking the worst of everybody´s intentions. They intend to spot these characters in their real lives. They make a drama of their lives.

Why am I different? I never expect to spot evil people. Of course, I´m aware of the existence of criminals, murderers, but I´m sure they are nothing like that the soap-operas portray them.

Does this mean that the rest of TV shows are good? No, but they are better, I can confirm that. Everything is better than a soap opera, from my point of view. And I believe that it truly influences people, especially children, who watch them from very young age. I am sure that girls age 10 in my country most likely watch at least one soap opera a day. Since society does not tend to condemn this TV-genre for violence or mature content, children of all ages watch them and their parents allow it. A distorted sense of “real life” is showed to them. A child, age 8, can tell that Pucca is not real, but how about if you ask him about the things he watches in a soap opera? He/She won´t be able to discern.

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